You could have knocked me down with a feather. I mean just what the hell are we to do now? It's another blatant example of one damned thing after another.
The cat Abbie Hoffman is just as concerned as I am about the chaos and absurdities of life. He's with me now on the desktop, sitting on my keyboard, and editing the work as I write. Even at this early hour, before dawn, we're fully dressed, he in his formal attire of white tie and tails, and I in my cargo pajamas.
Sifu Abbie Hoffman
The cat Abbie Hoffman is just as concerned as I am about the chaos and absurdities of life. He's with me now on the desktop, sitting on my keyboard, and editing the work as I write. Even at this early hour, before dawn, we're fully dressed, he in his formal attire of white tie and tails, and I in my cargo pajamas.
We make a good team and it makes me feel better to know that I'm not the only one who feels that the present circs are too tight for comfort.
We were awakened this morning, Abbie and I, like everyone else in the Renaissance District of the SoDu, at 10 minutes past 5:00 by the ubiquitous tornado warning.
We were awakened this morning, Abbie and I, like everyone else in the Renaissance District of the SoDu, at 10 minutes past 5:00 by the ubiquitous tornado warning.
Like everyone else we rose, gathered up Ms. Wonder and the rest of the furry tribe, and bunged them all into the bathtub for safety. However why the bathtub seemed safe is something that escapes me.
I try to remember the bilge we were taught in school about bathtubs and the only thing I remember is that Archimedes made that discovery, whatever it was, while playing with baking soda in the bath. Was it baking soda? The details escape me.
We were told he shouted, "Eureka!" and danced around a good bit, flooding the floor and no doubt sending water out into the hallway. And we were supposed to believe that the excitement was caused because he'd discovered the principle of displacement.
We were told he shouted, "Eureka!" and danced around a good bit, flooding the floor and no doubt sending water out into the hallway. And we were supposed to believe that the excitement was caused because he'd discovered the principle of displacement.
That's right, we're supposed to believe that he discovered displacement in the bathtub. And yet we know, pay attention because the punchline is coming. We know that bathtubs were invented in ancient Egypt several BC's before Archie and we're supposed to believe that no one noticed displacement in all that time? Get real.
But let's get back to the present, shall we? Here's Occum's razor to explain the morning weather. (Look it up. It's spelled Occum's razor.)
But let's get back to the present, shall we? Here's Occum's razor to explain the morning weather. (Look it up. It's spelled Occum's razor.)
What the National Weather Service picked up on radar was not a tornado but a wind vortex created by the Witch of Woodcroft. It was intended to suck the sick spiritual energies from the environment and transform them into something good for society. She does it all the time. Becoming a nuisance.
No wonder the NWS is confused. The Witch of W. means well--she does, I don't deny it. But, her work often brings unintended results. Don't worry. Abbie Hoffman and I are hard at work to restore the natural balance.
As I sat back to admire my work, I noticed that Abbie was staring out the window. Dawn peeked timidly over the edge of the horizon in the far distance. No doubt She's unsure of what to expect from the weather, it being one of the dark and loud species of weather this morning.
Apparently, Dawn puts little credence in the promise that "...weeping may endure for a night, but joy cometh in the morning." If She intends to continue in the role of Herald of the New Day, then She's going to need some bucking up.
After all, the Sun can't make his appearance on stage with Dawn's introduction. It would be like discovering the principle of displacement with bathtubs.
Abbie made a little noise deep in his throat and I wondered if he shares my resentment toward the Sun for being absent when he's needed most. A fair-weather friend, the Sun, in my opinion. I'm happy to have that howler of a storm out of the way but I'm not sure that I'm ready to welcome the sun with open arms just yet. I forgive, really I do, but I don't do it quickly.
Abbie made a little noise deep in his throat and I wondered if he shares my resentment toward the Sun for being absent when he's needed most. A fair-weather friend, the Sun, in my opinion. I'm happy to have that howler of a storm out of the way but I'm not sure that I'm ready to welcome the sun with open arms just yet. I forgive, really I do, but I don't do it quickly.
Dawn and the other half of the morning sketch, the Sun, need to get their act together. It's another opinion shared by my tuxedoed feline friend and me.
The light suddenly became brighter in my office and Abbie jumped from the desktop to the chair near the window. He huddled down, making himself as small as possible in the way that cats do, and he peeked over the window sill.
The light suddenly became brighter in my office and Abbie jumped from the desktop to the chair near the window. He huddled down, making himself as small as possible in the way that cats do, and he peeked over the window sill.
Sunlight was slowly working its way across the fields and woodlands from the east. The sun was smiling in that smug, self-satisfied way it has at the beginning of the day. It eased itself up the drive and began climbing the wall. Inch by inch, the light moved closer to my office window. At last, it peered inside, still smiling, and softly entered the room.
It was exactly the Bruce Lee moment that Abbie was waiting for.
Abbie Hoffman, having recently been certified as a master of taiji ch'uan, executed a lightning-quick single whip, if it was a single whip, and the Sun lay cowering on the floor while dawn fell backward onto the grass in front of the garage. It was as beautiful a single whip as I've seen.
It was exactly the Bruce Lee moment that Abbie was waiting for.
Abbie Hoffman, having recently been certified as a master of taiji ch'uan, executed a lightning-quick single whip, if it was a single whip, and the Sun lay cowering on the floor while dawn fell backward onto the grass in front of the garage. It was as beautiful a single whip as I've seen.
Abbie looked down on Dawn with lazy eyelids as though it were normal to see Her spread-eagled on the lawn. He turned an inquiring gaze toward me and I returned a look to say that I understood completely.
It couldn't be helped. It was a thing that needed doing and he, with his impeccable credentials, was the man to do it. Now we could forgive.
While I was congratulating him on a job well done, I became aware that his attention was arrested, if that's the word, by a shimming light that illumined the center of the room. Abbie Hoffman was staring into that light with wild surmise--much like the one worn by stout Cortez and his men when they first glanced at the Pacific.
"Well," I said to the specter, "we know you're here. You might as well show yourself."
And with those words, a large face materialized in the center of the room. The features shimmered and glittered in the morning light. When he recognized who I was, he smiled sending little sparkles flashing around the room like tiny fireworks."
"I apologize for the intrusion," said the Sun.
While I was congratulating him on a job well done, I became aware that his attention was arrested, if that's the word, by a shimming light that illumined the center of the room. Abbie Hoffman was staring into that light with wild surmise--much like the one worn by stout Cortez and his men when they first glanced at the Pacific.
"Well," I said to the specter, "we know you're here. You might as well show yourself."
And with those words, a large face materialized in the center of the room. The features shimmered and glittered in the morning light. When he recognized who I was, he smiled sending little sparkles flashing around the room like tiny fireworks."
"I apologize for the intrusion," said the Sun.
"No need," I said, "it's not your fault nor ours. I credit all this ranygazoo to the Witch of Woodcroft."
Abbie concurred, or he mumbled something that seemed to indicate agreement with my assessment. He rarely disagrees with me. We march in lockstep most days.
"She's off the wagon again!" said the Sun. "I thought 30 days in rehab..."
"I think it will require something stronger than a 12-step program," I said. "But Abbie Hoffman and I have an idea and now that you're here, we no longer need to let 'I dare not' wait upon 'I would'."
"Who's Abbie Hoffman?" he said.
"The cat in the adage," I said nodding toward Abbie.
"Oh," said the Sun, but not with any real conviction. "Well, I suppose I should get back into the heavens. Lots of people expecting it."
"I think it will require something stronger than a 12-step program," I said. "But Abbie Hoffman and I have an idea and now that you're here, we no longer need to let 'I dare not' wait upon 'I would'."
"Who's Abbie Hoffman?" he said.
"The cat in the adage," I said nodding toward Abbie.
"Oh," said the Sun, but not with any real conviction. "Well, I suppose I should get back into the heavens. Lots of people expecting it."
"I suppose so," I said, "although I don't know why. So many millennia without missing a day. I'd think that the odds are in favor of taking a day off."
And that pretty much sums up our morning. Even if some of the facts were mangled in the telling, the gist is there. The morning, as usual, swept away the weeping of the night and Joy now reigns supreme.
