Blinded By The Light

The morning was about average as mornings go on the Carolina coast. Skies were blue and clouds were something that you've heard from me hundreds of times. But driving down Grandiflora, there was no indication of just how big the day was going to be.

Apparently, an offshore ocean breeze, the one I call Queenie, had taken her eye off her youngsters for just a moment--that's all it takes--and a couple of juveniles were now running around Waterford teasing the residents with thoughts of tropical climes.

It was a morning that promised a modicum of tranquility and dreamy something-or-other. Then I turned left off Grandiflora and onto Waterford Way. As Wynd Horse veered to the east, Bam! Pow! Blinded by the light!

There he was, just above the trees, at just about the right spot for a window, if the sky had windows. The young sun was hot-dogging in the Carolina blue sky. Shamelessly brilliant is the way I'd describe it.

The whole spectacle reminded me of that line from the King James edition where God told Moses to look away when he passed by because mere mortals are incapable of absorbing his full glory--not even a reasonable facsimile.

I had to shield my eyes and look to the shoulder of the road as I drove to Brunswick Forest and when I passed the welcome sign, I saw that the mockingbird, instead of singing the usual welcoming song, was taking refuge in the shade instead.

I'm certain the spectacle was intended to impress his mother. I mean the sun's mother. I'm speaking of the sun's mother, of course, not the bird's. It's a common character flaw among young suns or so I'm told. And I'm sure that all this unbounded glory made the sea very proud indeed because it was she who gave birth to this monarch of the heavens. 

I know it's hard to believe unless you have witnessed the sun rising from the sea, that water could give birth to fire but that's only a fraction of the weirdness of quantum reality.

"Just look at my boy," I imagined the sea to her sister, Queenie, the wind. "He's so strong."

"Yes, he's something alright," said the wind, "but he's not so strong as I."

"What do you mean!" demanded the sea, "He's stronger than you by a long shot."

Again, this is the conversation that I'm sure they must have engaged in that morning. I offer only the basics of their remarks; I can't do the dialect.

"Want to bet?" said the wind, and just like that, they were off on that old argument again. 

It was enough to make me consider going back to bed but it was an idle thought and quickly passed for there is much to be done and I am the only one with the perfect combination and experience and a randomly ordered limbic system to make it happen.

Gazing once more to the east, the skies were blue as blue and the towering white clouds were gold-tinted by the alluring golden light. I stared into that seemingly perfect place and contemplated the impossible distance. My heart began to steam with the desire to be there.

I know this may all sound questionable to you but it's something I often do; homesick for the first world probably.

And so, life being what it is, I paid my respects to the morning, made a short visit to my rock, thanked the mockingbird for her appearance, and then rolled up my sleeves and got busy following the dictum of someone-or-other from my childhood: So let it be written, so let it be done.

Nothing But Blue Skies

The problem...

'Nothing but blue skies do I see', go the words to the song and it’s blue skies that I look for to keep my emotions manageable.

The image I have in mind when I think of blue skies is of the American West and those vast blue skies. I feel happy, joyous, and free when I'm out west and my spirit soars up into that vast blue dome of heaven.

On one trip to Utah, a few years ago, I found myself looking down on a small herd of bison that grazed on the plains below. A young bull, not yet mature, seemed to be proving his courage and testing his independence by grazing out beyond the fringes of the crowd. 

Every minute or so, that youngster would look back over his shoulder to make sure his family was still where he left them. That confirmed, he seemed confident and I’ll bet he felt happy with those blue skies smiling down on him. Still, I noticed that he sometimes would start visibly and swish his rump furiously as though he’d been bitten or stung.

He had help dealing with those irritating insects in the form of a little buffalo bird that was busy pecking around in the fur on his back, shoulders, head, and rump. If that was the complete story then all would have been well, but it wasn’t and it almost never is when happily ever after is involved.

Occasionally, for no reason that I could see, the little bird would become excited about something. Maybe she saw a hawk too high in the sky for me to see or maybe she saw a shadow creeping across the prairie. Whatever she saw, or thought she saw, excited the little bird to the core. She would puff out her chest, open her mouth wide, and utter a high pitched, “skee - reeeeeeeee.” 

Each time the alarm sounded, she leaned forward as though to expel all the air from her lungs. She did this with such force that she almost toppled over onto her face.

I thought this behavior quite cute and even funny, but not so the little bull. He took it big. He thought the sky was falling. 

In one swift move, he would abandon his dream of independence and race back to the protection of the herd. Minutes later, he seemed to think it safe enough to venture back out and the whole sequence of events would be repeated.

In a lot of ways, I’m like that young buffalo. I too have fears that I must face each day to live the life I want. I'm troubled by irksome little bug-a-bears that can irritate and distract like biting insects. Small as these annoyances are, I can become very irritable and build up pressure until I’m leaking at the seams and in danger of exploding.

I also have my own little buffalo bird. It’s my limbic system. Although I have all the tools I need to remain in control of my behavior even in stressful situations, I can easily ignore what’s happening around me until my amygdala, like that little buffalo bird, starts screaming, “The sky is falling! Run for your life.”

The Solution...

There are many definitions for mood disorder but the one I like best is "a change in a person's mood that interferes with everyday life for an extended period of time." 

This is my own definition. I made it up after extensive research on the difference between heavy mood swings and the bonified, certifiable, mood disorder.  

I've come to believe that we live our lives on an emotional spectrum and it isn't a matter of "normal" and "disorder" as much as it is a matter of control.

I know what to do to keep control of my behavior and regulate my mood. I truly am enough to handle anything and everything that comes my way. I have it within my power, when Princess Amy (my amygdala) begins acting up, to say, "Sweeten up, Amy. No need to get the knickers in a wad. I've got this."

My recovery from emotional seizures has been a lengthy one and I would never have gotten started in the first place without the help of people who had suffered as I had and who found ways to overcome some of their own limitations. The techniques that work for me will work for anyone willing to work them. I call them Fierce Qigong. But that's a story for a later post.

* Princess Amy

I stole Amy from Therese Borchard who writes the Beyond Blue blog. Therese calls her amygdala "Amy" and since I think of my Amy as a heartless little tyrant, much like Lewis Carroll's Red Queen, I added the title, "Princess." 

I sometimes call her by different names but no matter what I call her, I know that when I'm feeling anxious and irritable, it's all her fault.

Remember this: Life comes hard and fast. It pays to be ready for anything. Fierce Qigong!

Personal Mythology

"Lupe," I said, getting right down to the nub of the thing, "I'm opening the gate and stepping out onto the yellow brick road." I expected the movie references to grab her attention and I was right.

"Oh, good for you", she said. "Remember to get in touch with your personal mythology."

Her remarks captured my attention but the meaning got right by me. If you want to get the kind of results that will bring home the goods, you must take the Buddhist approach in my opinion. No time for mythology, personal or otherwise.

"What are you talking about, you little geezer," I said. "What's mythology got to do with it?"

"Don't you remember when we talked about how everyone is the hero of their own life story? You should pay better attention," she said. "Myths exist because stories are the way humans understand life. You, for instance, in opening the gate and starting your journey are like one of the knights of the Round Table beginning a grail quest. You're looking for your personal holy grail."

"Excuse me," I said, not a little miffed at the suggestion that I was playing make-believe. "I'm not talking about a fairy tale. This is real life that I'm concerned with--my life." 

Without waiting for her response, I said, "I'll be in touch later." With that said, I left her presence and wandered off looking for a more sympathetic ear.

Wandering brought me into Ms. Wonder's office. I don't know what she actually does there but I imagine it to be the place where she researches universal philosophical ideas. She seems to know everything. I suppose you could say that she plans her wonders there.

"Whoa," she said. "You look like you've lost your best friend."

"Who?" I said.

"If you mean which friend you lost, I haven't the slightest. It's just an expression."

"I just left Lupe," I said, ignoring the tangent expression she'd introduced, "and you'll never guess what she said about my yellow brick road journey."

"Let me guess," she said. "She probably brought up the mythology of the individual."

"How did you know that?" I asked. "And it's personal mythology."

"Oh, that's easy," she said. "Lupe relates everything to personal mythology. It's her thing."

"Why didn't I know that?"

"That's easy too--you don't pay attention."

There it was again--another reference to my attention deficit--and I didn't like it. But it's not germane to the subject at hand and with not a little effort I let it go.

"I wonder how she came up with such a loopy idea?", I said.

"Probably because it is in every sense a truly Lupe idea."

"At any other time I'd laugh, but my plan to find meaning in my life is serious business. It is for me. Sometimes. But it seems no one else feels the same."

"Then everything is working out perfectly," she said. "Lupe developed her ideas of personal mythology, or the mythology of the individual, as the result of looking for meaning in her childhood past life memories."

"Lupe has past life memories?"

"Wow, you don't pay attention, do you?"

I bit my tongue if you understand the expression.

"You should ask her about it," she said. "Do it now is my suggestion. I'm sure it'll help with your stroll down the yellow brick road."

I gave her a look and I meant it to sting.

"Trust me," she said.

Back in the presence of the little shrimp, I asked her to tell me about her childhood experiences with reincarnation or whatever.

"You really came to hear about your personal mythology, didn't you?"

"Well, yes, to be honest, I am curious to hear what you have to say, but only if it has a bearing on my quest for Emerald City."

"All you need to know, at least for now," she said, "is that when King Arthur's knights began a grail quest, they were told that after entering the Enchanted Forest, they should avoid the temptation to follow any paths they might find."

"Seems silly to me," I said. "Why not take advantage of someone else's work? Standing on the shoulders of those who came before so to speak."

"Whenever a knight of the Grail tried to follow a path made by someone else," she said, "they became lost. Any path you find is made by and for someone else. Each of us has to find our own way--make our own path. Nobody can give you a mythology. The images that mean something to you, come to you in your dreams or in your actions. But you'll not understand them when they come to you. Only later when you can put them into context will their meaning and importance become clear."

"These are deep waters, Lupe."

I paused, floating in those deep waters, and Lupe remained silent allowing me uninterrupted time to get my bearings.

"So what you're saying is that I have to find my own personal path."

"What I'm saying is that you have to make your path, not find it," she said. 

I didn't like it. "Disappointing," I said.

""True since the beginning of time," she said.

Here Comes The Sun

A fair summer morning on the Carolina coast, as anyone living here will tell you, begins with the sun popping up above the horizon like a rubber duck in a bathtub. Then bright sunshine spreads across the blue skies and white, billowy cotton-ball clouds reach up to heaven. And the soundtrack for the morning get-go is provided by a choral of mockingbirds singing their morning salutations. There's nothing else in life quite as uplifting as that.

That's more or less the gist of what I told Ms. Wonder on my return from this morning's constitutional. 

"But this morning didn't begin like that," she said. "In fact, I expected you to come home drenched from that short rainstorm. Of course, it's sunny now but you're not outside."

She seemed a little disappointed when she said it but I decided to give it a miss and keep things on the bright side.

"That's right," I said, "and all's sunny that ends sunny. That's what I always say."

"I've never heard you say that," she said.

"I'm saying it from now on," I said. "When the mockingbirds are on the job, even the grayest of days accept defeat and the world becomes a brighter, happier place. On days like today, I'm on top of the world..."

"With a rainbow 'round your shoulder," she said.

"Right," I said, "and I'm singing..."

"Zip-a-dee-do-da," she said.

"All day long," I said.

"What's mockingbirds got to do with it?" she said.

I didn't answer right away because I was somewhat non-plussed by her question. Could it be, I wondered, that she didn't know about the reason that Mother Nature invented mockingbirds? I envied her just a little at that moment because she was going to experience one of the greatest pleasures in life--she was going to hear a marvelous story for the first time, and it was coming from me. What's better than that?

"Wonder," I said, " sit back, relax and let me tell you a little story."

"I don't have time right now," she said. "Can we do it later?"

"No, we can't do it later but I'll make it short. It won't have the same level of excitement without the elves and dragons but that can't be helped I suppose."

"I have a conference call at 10:00," she said as if that explained everything.

"Then let's waste no more time," I said.

"When I arrived at Brunswick Forest this morning, the eastern horizon was hidden by gray clouds and I didn't like it one bit. Then, long before I saw him, I heard the most beautiful song, loud, clear, and delightful. Eventually, I saw the mockingbird sitting atop the welcome home sign at the entrance to Magnolia Village. 

Wonder, that little bird was putting on quite a show. He was standing on tip-toe with his beak opened as wide as his eyes. His little body was stretched as far as it could and he was singing in the direction of the very spot in the sky where the sun, if he'd had any pride at all, should have appeared."

"You may be imagining much of that," she said.

"If only you'd seen that look on his face," I said, "and the way he lept into the air several times with the excitement of his effort. Wonder, I've never been so happy as that in my entire life."

"Hmmm," she said.

"Moments later, the clouds cleared from the horizon and there was the old boy himself, the Monarch of the Heavens, beaming down on us with a smile that gave the whole of Brunswick Forest a jolt of renewed energy."

"I'm just happy that you're happy," she said.

"I know," I said, "me too. It reminds me of a story my grandmother used to tell. It's a Muskogee folk tale about the contest between Mockingbird and Rooster. The object was to see which one of them could raise the sun in the morning with their singing."

"You'll have to tell me later," she said. "It's time for my conference call. But I can hardly wait to hear it. I'll bet you hold me spellbound."

"You always say that," I said.

"That's because you always do hold me spellbound," she said.

And so that's how the whole thing went down. I'm sure you're hoping to hear the folktale of the mockingbird and rooster but it will have to wait for another time. I've got to get busy myself. In the meantime, I'm wishing you a marvelous day filled with birdsong and sunshine. A fair summer day isn't complete without them.

Happiest Seaside Town in America

Occasionally my brain feels like it's floating in a jar of dill and vinegar brine, stored in a glass jar, sitting on a shelf in a dark closet, and waiting to be transplanted into the head of the New Genome. Some days begin that way. Not all days, of course. If all days began that way, it would constitute a Code 10 situation. But today is one of those days and trending is not positive.

I realize that steps must be taken and not just any steps but the proper steps through the proper channels. Can't just allow the trend to continue or one day soon I'll find myself on the edge of a cliff, similar to Carlos Castaneda, and I don't have the benefit of a shaman spiritual guide on my side. You remember Carlos and his spirit guide, Don Juan. You should remember. His book is what got us where we are today. Better look it up is my suggestion.

The only spirit guide I have to rely on is Vulpes, the Red Fox, aka Reynard, and he's a practical joker. He'd tell me to jump into the abyss in order to find my wings and, if I did jump, the only wings I'd find would be in a Colonel Sanders box at the bottom of the chasm. 

And so I've decided to take proper steps through the proper channels, as Jeeves put it, and I'm taking Ms. Wonder to Southport. Just in case it isn't obvious, let me explain by saying that Coastal Living Magazine once named Southport as one of the top 10 finalists in their search for America's Happiest Seaside Town. 

Let's take a moment here for station identification and say, in the interest of transparency and full disclosure that the Coastal Living editors were listening to Jimmy Buffet and sipping margaritas while making their decision.

Wonder loves Southport and I reckoned what could be better than a Sunday afternoon in the happiest seaside town in America. And now, this happy little village will be the temporary home of Ms. Wonders's latest photography exhibit, "Ships of the Cape Fear River." That's right. Having completed a successful showing in downtown Wilmington, the exhibit has gone on tour. But if you can't make it to Southport, you can see the entire collection here: Ships of the Cape Fear River

From now until the end of June, Southport will showcase those incredible abstract images of the magnificent ships that leave the Atlantic and enter the Intracoastal Waterway about a stone's throw from the High Street.

Wonder isn't alone in loving happy seaside villages. I'm sure Coastal Living Magazine wouldn't spend time looking for them if they weren't popular with a host of discerning vacationers. Many well-known personalities spend time here when they require freshening. Don't worry, I will not allow myself to fluff up the content by dropping names--not the Genome style; I will only pass along this one little note of general interest by saying that, according to locals, Cher's yacht crew wears the uniform of the Italian navy. Curious, don't you think?

I fully expect that after spending a few hours in the sun, walking the boardwalks through the salt marsh, breathing the air that Cher breathes, I'll be catapulted into a new dimension and the brain will be working with the usual efficacy if that's the word I'm looking for. The ability to perform as desired or expected? I'll ask Wonder, she'll know. She knows everything.

It's my understanding that Napoleon often took a little time for himself to walk on a quiet beach and consider his next move. If it worked for him, I'm sure it will work for me.

Watch for the next post with the word "Southport" in the title. I know how you love to follow my little adventures and I promise to tell you all about our sojourn, leaving nothing out, and including a few photographs to illustrate. Until then, stay safe, and by any and all means stay happy.