Transformation

Experience has taught me to never trust the Universe to follow through on her promises. Wasn't it Shakespeare who said, 'Just when we're feeling our best, Fate is sneaking up behind us with a party horn.' If he didn't say it, he should have.      

So when Wonder encouraged me to finish the book I started about 3 years ago—the one about feline preventive healthcare—I conceded. My agent tried to sell the thing before I was even halfway through it, first to a movie production company and then as a stage adaptation. Nothing came of it.

Can you imagine a musical comedy about feline preventive healthcare making the rounds off-Broadway? Neither can I, though, in fairness, cats are responsible for half the Internet’s traffic, and I suspect the other half is devoted to people trying to figure out what the government will do next.

But let’s not get distracted. The important thing is that I finished the first draft of the manuscript yesterday. More importantly, it’s not just a book to Wonder and me—it’s a promise we made to Eddy Peebody back in 2019. If you’ve read the posts, you know the story. If not, let’s just say it involved a cat, a vow, and no small amount of dramatic flair.

And so, with the draft completed, I was on top of the world—floating, basking, celebrating the triumph. But as Shakespeare (or at least my version of him) warns: don’t hold your breath.

This morning, still reveling in my literary victory, I warmed up Wynd Horse and set sail down Blandings Highway toward the Port City. 

John Cougar was singing Pink Houses on the eighties channel, and I was singing along, belting out the line: 'There's a young man in a t-shirt listenin' to a rock-n-roll station.' The next song to come out of the dash was Come Dancing by the Kinks. If you know anything about Genome, you know what that song means to me.

We Genomes are tough stuff, tempered steel as it were, hardened by the slings and arrows. Stalwart. Unshakable. But we have our limits. Before they came to the end of the first line, 'They put a parking lot on a piece of land where the supermarket used to stand,' I was a blubbering wreck behind the steering wheel.

I cried so hard I was a hazard to myself and the road. I would have pulled over, had it not been for a sudden distraction: a man walking a dog, and that dog was a spaniel mix- part Cocker Spaniel, I'm sure.

A Cocker Spaniel was my first dog. I was six years old, and he was 8 weeks when we first met. We became instant friends, and he was my best and only friend for the first several years of my life.

And just like that, the grief lifted. One moment, I was drowning in a sea of nostalgia; the next, I felt like an unseen hand had pulled me out of a dark hole into the light. I felt like I was on top of the world, sitting on a rainbow. It was as though I'd been rescued from a world where I didn't belong and restored to the world that was mine. In short, I was transformed. 

Is it permanent? Of course not. Nothing is. But the experience was so vivid that the memory will be more than just a mental construct—it will be an emotional landmark. Like the scent of cedar and peppermint at Christmas, the memory of this day will bring it all back.

And when I’m feeling down—when anxiety creeps in or melancholy sets up camp—I’ll read this post and remember. I’ll remember Pluto, my childhood dog. I’ll remember Eddy, my cat. I’ll remember my sister, Delores.

Their memories will restore the love and light that filled my world when they were here with me. It's not everything. It's not perfect. But it's enough, and isn't that all we need? 

 

Dream Hangover

"Guess whose hand you're going to shake today?" asked the voice in my head when I woke up this morning. If that sentence makes no sense to you, imagine how I felt when I heard it.

Some mornings begin with a smile; others start with a sneer. I may stumble into the loo only to discover I forgot to buy toothpaste. That's a bother. Other mornings, my search for espresso finds only empty boxes. That's disaster. 

I was awakened this morning by that taunting mystery voice. And as if that wasn’t bad enough, Princess Amy was in a snit. Earth's foundations were crumbling.

Amy followed me to the kitchen, looking like she’d had a rough night. Her shoulders drooped, accentuating the downturn of her lower lip. To be fair, I hadn’t exactly waltzed out of bed refreshed either, but I was doing my best to shake it off—not an easy task with morning breath and no coffee.

"Cheer up, Amy, old girl. Why the long face?" I said, adopting my most cheerful, back-slapping tone. I refrained from any actual back-slapping—she’s not equipped with a dorsal side.

"Oh, I don’t know," she replied, her tone full of the kind of melodrama I’d rather avoid first thing in the morning. "Could it possibly have something to do with being bored as far as manic psychosis?"

My ears pricked up. Amy, when bored, is a dangerous thing. When her mind idles, she has a habit of engineering pranks so diabolical they border on intergalactic warfare. Death Stars come to mind. Immediate action was required.

"What would you like to do?" I asked, emotionally preparing for damage control.

She shrugged. "Got any ideas?"

"I'm going out to scatter peanuts for the squirrels. You can join me if you like."

Another shrug, but she followed me outside, where we scattered squirrels by scattering nuts. It’s impossible to stay glum when surrounded by a squirrel circus, and by the time we re-entered the kitchen, Amy’s mood seemed to have lifted.

"What I don’t understand," I said, "is how you woke up in a foul mood, and I didn’t."

"I had bad dreams," she said. "Several of them."

"Ah," I nodded sagely, like one of those world-weary detectives in an old black-and-white film. "A dream hangover."

"Describes it pretty well," she admitted. "I dreamed of the cats. Sad dreams."

"Oh, our cats?"

"Of course, our cats. I don’t have memories of any other cats."

At that moment, out of nowhere, I had a stroke of brilliance—the kind of idea that arrives unannounced and has nothing to do with the conversation at hand but is, nevertheless, an absolute winner. It's quite a common occurrence for the Genomes. I remember my great-uncle Carl did it often.

"I have just the thing!" I declared. "Wonder keeps one of her special elixirs in the fridge in case I get blue and need a pick-me-up. You should try it. It’s one of the wonders she’s known for."

Amy eyed me warily. "What’s in it? I’m not drinking anything with a raw egg in it."

"She keeps the ingredients secret," I admitted. "I’ve identified a few, but the rest remain a mystery."

I poured a small measure into a tumbler and handed it to her.

"Don’t sip it," I warned. "Bottoms up!"

Now, when I drink the stuff, I often feel as if the top of my head has blown off, and my eyes seem to bulge like Slick Joe McWolf's. These effects are accompanied by the sound of the Flintstones' steam whistle signaling the end of a work shift. Judging by Amy’s expression, she was experiencing much the same effect.

"What is that?" she sputtered, shoving the glass back at me.

"Well, I know for certain there's cayenne," I said, "and I suspect turmeric, ginger, and lime juice. What else is in there remains a mystery."

"Yeah, well, it’s got Blenheim’s ginger ale in it, too. I’m sure of that."

"Feeling any better?" I asked.

She considered. "A bit, yeah. Give me another shot."

I questioned the wisdom of her drinking another glassful. She'd already had more than the recommended dose for anyone over the age of twelve. Still, I felt really bucked from the effect of spreading goodness and light. 

I poured a second tumbler and handed it to her, asking myself, What could possibly go wrong?

Know Myself

Mimi the Mockingbird takes up her post on the east bank of the backyard fence as soon as I enter her world. She eyes me with a wild, penetrating glare. In her brief glance, she comes to know me, wholly.

Her eye is like any other if she looks away for a second. But when she turns to look at me, the eye lights up with a wild intelligence like a living lighthouse flashing through a dark, Atlantic night.

She seems to know my intentions, mood, and character in a single, lightning-quick glance. I suspect she knows me more thoroughly than most of my human acquaintances ever could—and certainly far better than I know myself, which, to be fair, isn't a high bar by any means.

She isn't afraid of me, not in the slightest. She follows me as I ladle birdseed on the fence posts, fully confident in her ability to easily outmaneuver me. She's like a chess grandmaster who realizes I don't know how to play the game.

Her keen awareness reminds me of Master Wen's teachings in the dào chǎng—those intense martial arts sessions where understanding your opponent was as essential as understanding yourself. Mimi would have been Wen's favorite student, capable of seeing through any pretense and likely correcting my form while she was at it.

The young squirrel, Zwiggy, peeks cautiously through the fence, tempted by the walnut pieces I placed on the fenceposts. His little body quivers excitedly, suggesting he can hardly wait for me to move farther away. It's a common struggle shared by squirrels and people—concern for our physical well-being versus the temptation of snacks.

He keeps me company as I walk the fencerow but always out of reach. He lacks the level of confidence that defines Mimi. He doesn't know me enough to trust me. To him, I am unknowable, like quantum computing.

His relationship with me is like the relationship I have with most of my human acquaintances. I feel confident enough to spend time in their company but not enough to let them really know me. 

My fear isn't rooted in any specific knowledge about my associates but in my uncertainty. I lack Mimi's self-confidence, that assuredness that comes from truly knowing one's abilities and recognizing one's limits. It's a peculiar form of existential stage fright—being on stage in front of the audience and unsure of your next line.

Master Wen would undoubtedly raise a questioning eyebrow at my current state of uncertainty. He would be right to do so. This is precisely why I'm returning to the Brunswick dào chǎng tomorrow morning—not as a retreat but as a pilgrimage back to self-understanding.

I intend to know myself as thoroughly as Mimi knows me, with a lighthouse's unwavering clarity. In tomorrow's post, I'll let you know how it goes. I'm happy you're here. See you tomorrow.