Thank You, Lucy!

The sun appeared in the sky this morning like a poached egg, bright and warm and wiggly. The mists rose from the lowlands in gray and gold streamers, moist and ragged around the edges like the fading fragments of dreams.

I like to sleep late but never do, and this morning was no exception. I was up at 5:30, wandering around the lower levels of Chadsford Hall. It's a mindfulness technique, really. Walking around with attention focused on nothing—aimless. Still, I could sense the magic filling up the place.

It's nothing new to have magic in the air of the Hall; it's usually full of the stuff, but it's normally the old, comfortable sort of magic that's about as exciting as pilling a cat. The magic I felt rushing underneath the doorjambs was the new stuff, the newly minted variety fresh from the Source.

Not a good thing for me, new magic, that is. I'm allergic. Ms. Wonder says that everyone is allergic to magic. She says that's the point. But it's different for me. The general background magic that supports all thaumaturgic activity is harmless, but the new stuff clings to me like static. It builds to a critical mass, and then BANG! It's not pretty, and it never turns out well.

The distraction from bright, cold drafts of the stuff wafting about the rooms of the Hall, glistening like Empyrian electrum and shimmering with octarine green and blue, was too much for my aimlessness. I needed advice, and I needed it fast. I headed upstairs, where I heard gushing torrents of water filling a bathtub. "Poopsie," I said, "I need your advice. Rally 'round."

"What's up?" she said.

"What's up?" I said, "That's the point, isn't it? You know that new magic is rolling off the press even as we speak and that it's coming from Woodcroft?"

"I noticed," she said. "Are you puissant?"

This went right by me, of course. Puissant? Is that a word? What could she possibly mean by it? Must have something to do with magic. There was no time to muse on this mystery. I felt the need to get right down to it, so I gave her the best response I could.

"Probably not so puissant as you," I said, and I thought it pretty good. Don't you agree?

"That's sweet of you to say," she said, "and probably very true, but what is it you wanted to ask?"

"Well," I said, choosing my words carefully. "You know that Gladdis..."

"Witch of Woodcroft," she interrupted.

"Yes, all that," I said, "but put that out of your mind for the nonce. Let me finish my thought, or I'll wander off the path. We can't afford distractions. You'll be leaving for work shortly, and where will I be then? Lost among the lilies, that's where.

"Lost among the lilies? Is that a saying?"

"Isn't it?"

"One of yours then," she said.

"Ah," I said because I'd lost the thread. "What was it we were talking about?"

"Something about Gladdis," she said.

"That's right. Gladdis has published the seminal installment of Rogue Star. Is seminal a word?"

"Seminal," she said, "or carrying the seeds that will develop into the fruit of the work."

"Wonder," I said.

"Yes?"

"What the hell are we going to do about it?"

"Do about it?"

"You know what I mean. How to stop the overflow of magic and all the strangeness that follows."

"Relax," she said. "I know this is one of Princess Amy's hot buttons, but everything will be OK."

"It will?"

"Of course, it will. Just take a deep breath and let life happen. Don't you remember Lucy once telling you that it's not your job to be in control of everything?"

"She did, yes, that's one wise kitten, Wonder," I said. "Well, she's no longer a kitten, but she was when she told me that. Animals have a certain wisdom, don't they?"

"Humans too," she said.

"Well, some humans," I conceded. "Thank you for reminding me, Poopsie, I feel much better now."

"Don't thank me; thank Lucy," she said. And so I did.

It's Amy's Fault

It was almost noon by the time I left the thrift store. I'd found one concert t-shirt that would bring enough profit to pay for gas and lunch.

"I don't know why we bother doing this," I told Amy. "It's just wasted time and energy. I spent the morning looking for profitable items to re-sell, and I'll need to do it again tomorrow to have a chance to break even for the week."

I got no response. I didn't expect one because I was talking to Princess Amy, that spoiled little brat of a limbic system in the middle of my brain who gets her kicks by overloading my emotional system.

"Doesn't it bother you?" I asked.

"Nope," Amy said. "I'm only in it for the money, and I don't care how much time and energy you put into it."

"The money?" I said. "I only hope I don't lose money this week."

"Yeah, you're not much of a business person. You should pay more attention to me. I'm an entrepreneur."

"You are not a business person! You're a little almond-shaped cluster of brain cells. You might benefit from the money I make but you never really profit. It's a foreign concept to you."

"Making money's not the only way to profit."

"What are you talking about, if anything?" I asked.

"I'm an entrepreneur," she said. "I get you to do stupid stuff--to generate excitement--and you can be real entertaining sometimes."

"Oh, yeah," I said. "The excitement you cause is only entertaining for you and it never ends well."

"When I'm on a roll," she said, "I can fire you up enough to get bystanders involved, and that's when it really becomes fun. What a riot!"

"You're a menace! You're a danger to the fabric of the universe."

"I'm an influencer," she said. 'And I have lots of projects in the works. I'm not just another pretty face, baby. That's why I have to keep my brain functioning efficiently. Which reminds me, I'm not operating at full power right now because I need a latte and a muffin."

"This is leading up to a stop at Surf & Java, isn't it?" I asked.

"Exactly. I can get some caffeine and you can have an Impossible sandwich for my lunch."

A few minutes later, we were seated outside the surf shop, and Amy was relatively quiet while I ate. I suppose she was soaking up some nutrients to stoke her engines. I was thinking about going home when she spoke again.

"I need another latte," she said. "You get it and I'll wait here. I'm gonna look at this magazine. It says on the cover that Keanu Reeves used to surf competitively."

I didn't reply. I was beginning to feel like I was no more than a vehicle to chauffeur my limbic system around town.

"Too bad you can't stay here and have someone else get the coffee," she said. "What if there's a sudden rush of customers and someone gets our table?"

"A rush of customers?" I said.

"It could happen," she said. "Good idea," I said, "I'll stay here to keep someone from taking our table."

"So anyways," Amy said."Did you know that Keanu was a surfer? Maybe we should take up surfing."

I tried to get comfortable in the plastic chair as I overthought Amy's earlier comments about being an entrepreneur.

"You got a lot of thinking going on," Amy said. "It's getting hot in here with all that thinking you're doing. You're burning too much energy."

“I didn't realize that you were capable of doing anything more than mismanaging my emotions," I said. "Just what are those projects you spoke of?"

"I'm a complex person," Amy said. "I got a lot going on. You haven't even seen the tip of my iceberg yet, baby. One of my goals is to be a TV star."

"How's that even possible?" I asked.

"I'm gonna be a reality star like Kyle, Lisa, and Khole."

"A reality star--you're going to be the next Khole Kardashian?"

"It's only a matter of time," she said. "I got a plan worked out, and I'm about to start shooting demo reel. That's how you make it happen, you gotta shoot a demo reel."

"What's your plan? And how are you going to film anything?"

"First," she said, "it's a concept show that I call Naked at Work."

"I already don't like it," I said.

"You don't like it but you're really good in it," she said.

"What's that supposed to mean. I'm not going to be part of anything called Naked at Work."

"But you already are. Remember those dreams? The ones where you're working in an office and you're in your underwear? That's my prototype for the show. Now it's time to move to being completely naked."

"You little jerk!" I said. "Those dreams are caused by you! I thought we had an understanding. You and I are not different persons. We're the same. What I experience, you experience. Why do you do this to me?"

"It gets boring in here," she said. "I need some diversion."

"But why not give me fun, exciting, positive dreams? You'd benefit from safe, comfortable dreams just as much I would."

"Yeah, but I'm competing for a Dreamy award, and with Naked and Afraid, I think I've got a winner."

"Awards? How does that work? Do you cause me to dream that you get an award?"

"No, dummy," she said. "There's a whole dream universe with lots of stuff going on it. What do you think dreams are for, anyway? They aren't just entertainment for you, you know."

I was overwhelmed. I needed some time alone and that's not easy to find when you're trying to get away from your own thoughts.

"Uh oh," I said, "look at the time. It seems we don't need to be concerned about a customer rush, I need to check on my mom and then stop at the hardware store. I've got to patch the lanai screens where the squirrels gnawed through them."

"Your mom is no longer living on the earth," Amy said.

"No, but I still check in with her daily."

"Well, if I was you," Amy said, "I'd get home in time for a nap so you can keep up with me tonight. We got a demo to record."

"I won't forget about that," I said, and I said it without any real chirpiness.

You're Not Alone

One day, while searching for classic vinyl records in the thrift shops of Carrboro and Chapel Hill, I was treated to one of those serendipitous, magical moments that make you think the universe has a fun side after all. 

I stopped at the Open Eye Café for a mid-morning coffee break and I'm not setting you up when I say the barista who took my order looked exactly like Maggie Gyllenhaal. I know! It's true!

I wish I could post her photo here as proof, but I opened our conversation with that old line, "Don't I know you from somewhere else?" You can imagine the awkward response if I'd then asked to take a selfie with her. 

As Maggie made my coffee, I was struck by the thought, like a bolt from the blue, that life is absurdly unfair. Stay with me for a moment and consider, for example, that some remarkable musicians become World Party, while others become Fields of Mars. Not that there's anything wrong with the Fields. A fine, deserving group of musicians in my opinion, but I think you see my point.

Still, some Gyllenhaals become movie stars while others become baristas. This cosmic imbalance weighed heavily on my mind as I collected the coffee and took a table outside in the sun, but not too near the street.

My thoughts drifted into the void while I mused on the words of the Buddha, "All things are..." how does it go? Begins with an 'I.' Imperfect? Improbable? It's a word meaning things don't last forever.

As I said, I was lost in the void until awakened by another thought, one of many that arose like shiny, multicolored soap bubbles. Impertinent! No, that's not it, either. Give me a moment. Where was I?

Oh yes, another thought arose and this one reflected the iridescent words of Karl Wallinger. "What I see just makes me cry...clouding up the images of a perfect day."

So, how do I deal with the things that make me cry, like the Maggie / World Party shortcoming? That's my question. And after a lifetime of analyzing the thing, the best answer I've come up with is that one must simply find a way of accepting the situation and get on with it.

It’s not as grim as it sounds! Often, the things I think are disasters turn out to be blessings in disguise. Not always—I’m no Pollyanna—but enough to give me hope.

Looking back over my life, I realize that the best scenarios came to me accidentally. My best plans never worked the way I hopped--but the accidents--ahh, that's where the magic was found.

This perspective isn’t exactly warm and fuzzy—it requires a willingness to embrace a little risk. But here’s the thing: it’s much easier to face life’s curveballs with a tribe by your side. And The Cicurlar Journey is always here for you. 

Do you need a sympathetic ear to share the absurdities of Life? Simply leave a comment. Are you looking for someone to be by your side, you have them. You may not have met them yet but they're all around you.

You only need to remain open-minded and accept help no matter the source. If you do that, you will attract people to you.  And that, my friend, makes all the difference.

I was taught a little slogan to remind me that my tribe is out there looking for me--alone I may fail, but together we will succeed.

Give it a try. You've got little to lose. Stop judging, stop criticizing, and accept the help that's offered. You are not alone. 

Impermanent! That's what the Buddha said. I knew I'd think of it. I've been working crossword puzzles to improve my memory.

Castle Street Nights

I woke up this morning with an intense pang of joy. It hit me in the solar plexus with an inexplicable potency--like I'd mainlined sunshine! Naturally, I did the responsible thing and after a little self-reflection, realized it was only hypomania and not a valid excuse to redecorate the house or revamp the wardrobe.

 

Buoyed by the oojah-com-spiff mood, I floated into the salle de bains only to find Ms. Wonder, already present and lounging like an escapee from the pasha's harem.

Have I told you about the Wonder? Surely I have. What a woman! Those pouty lips, those emerald green eyes, that strawberry blond hair.

When I expressed how happy it made me to see her, she gave me a certain look. It was not the look I'd hoped for, and I considered it quite a slice of fruitcake--dense and hard to swallow. 

I realize that she's recovering from minor surgery feeling some discomfort, I'm sure, but still, I felt a bit let down. Not that I expected unbridled happiness. Her Russian soul is burdened by centuries of angst and is unprepared for such frivolity.

I kissed the top of her head, wished her well, and set off to cross the Cape Fear River and bring me to the heart of the Castle Street Arts District.

Rarely does Castle Street get the kind of praise lavished on the rest of the city--probably due to the lack of high-end retail glitter. Despite the surface appearance, a rich tapestry of subculture makes the district a great place to be on any given morning. As Tolkien wisely mused, "All that is gold does not glitter."

Out in the bright sunshine, the joy bubbled up once more and I entered the doors of Luna Caffé with a light heart and a tra-la-la on my lips. 

"Grande dark," said the barista placing my usual on the counter with a tone of indifference one might expect from a Large Language Model chatbot. This was not at all the desired tone. Too cool, too indifferent, too uncaring.

The barista was, no surprise, Hannah Kay, the self-anointed emergency backup mistress of the greater Castle Street night. Her attitude of barely tolerable disdain for the clientele is due to dancing the night away and then applying complex eye makeup and facial hardware each morning. 

Her nights are spent, by the way, in Egret Coffee Caffé and Dance Bar, which is in the Soda Pop District not Castle Street Arts.

"Good morning, Hannah," I said, in tones so measured they could balance on a high wire, and I meant it to sting.

"It may be good for you," she shot back, "but have you ever had to open this café at 6:00 in the morning after a night of being stalked by a ninja vampire cat hell-bent on ending life as we know it in Wilmawood?"

This new motif presented an interesting diversion, but I didn't want to give her the satisfaction of knowing that just yet. 

"There is that," I said hoping to avoid any further discussion of what I guess was the Halloween night party at the Egret.

"If you only knew how fragile the defenses are that keep the general public from wholesale disaster, you would cry like a baby and wet your pants," she said with a hard-edged eye.

"Oh, I don't know," I replied nonchalantly, "It may not be as bad as all that when you consider that the general public is endlessly annoying with little or no provocation."

She started noticeably, spilling a customer's skinny mocha something, and then stared at me with the look of someone caught feeding Fruit Loops to her goldfish.

"I wish I'd said that," she muttered thoughtfully to no one in particular. Again, for the third time that morning, a feeling of joy surrounded me, and I immediately logged into SuperBetter to award myself 10 points for "meaningful human contact."

Once more a pure heart and perseverance are victorious over the forces of darkness or whatever ails you. Each moment holds more good than bad if we only take a deep breath and look for it. Life is full of...oh, blah, blah, blah. You know the drill. Enjoy the good times and leave the bad behind.

Beignet Lafayette

He's the best cat in the world. Everyone agrees. He's won the Chadsford Hall Best Cat of the Year award for 6 consecutive years. He's nine years old and weighs 15.25 pounds--in other words, peak condition. If you think he's a bit heavy, you're probably more familiar with the smaller, run-of-the-mill kitty. 

Beignet Lafayette, often called Ben or Benny, is a child of the Lost Kitty Tribe--he was left behind when a previous owner relocated--and I'm sure she's never recovered from the heartbreak. Beignet is a keeper.

But then, all cats are keepers because they shine the light of joy that dissipates the darker emotions. Even kittens that are too young to walk straight and have tails that look like lint brushes get the job done. It's simply their nature.

So, by all means, get a cat. Get two. You can't have too many. The more you have, the less chance they will all be sleeping when the zombies--those dark emotions mentioned above--begin prowling.

Earlier today, during our visit to the cat hospital, the veterinarian suggested we begin yearly lab workups to keep Ben around forever. None of us can imagine life without him--not even the veterinary staff. Naturally, Ben agreed to donate a little blood for analysis. 

Before leaving, the vet tech wrapped a scrunchie bandage around Ben's leg to prevent bleeding. When we arrived home, I decided to remove the bandage quickly and get on with other tasks, but Ben had a different agenda and it didn't include bandages. 

I cradled him and began brushing, a surefire way to put him in a good mood while distracting him from my sleight of hand. As I brushed with one hand, I searched for the end of the bandage with the other. Ben tolerated this for exactly two seconds before deciding he'd had enough.

I might have given the whole thing a miss for an hour or so and perhaps gotten some editing done on the book--you remember the book--but no, I stubbornly decided the bandage was coming off and I knew how to get it done. I rolled up my sleeves, commended my soul to God, and set about it.

Cat wrestling, much like alligator wrestling, should be done sparingly—and only in season. I stretched out on the floor for stability and attempted a move I’d seen pro wrestlers use. Ben, ever the sweetheart, took this as a gesture of affection and began to purr. I seized the moment. My fingers found the pull tab. I gave it a firm tug.

It was the tug of no return. Ben bolted for the doorway like a crazed weasel.  Clinging to the trailing bandage like an Iditarod musher pulled along by her sled dogs, I was pulled along the polished hardwood floors. We made a sharp right-hand turn and began descending the stairs. A turn of events I never anticipated.

Now, if the cherry floors can be called smooth, then the oak staircase is best described as bumpy. Over the years, I've developed a sort of wisdom about situations where I'm in control and those where I am clearly not. This situation was one of the latter.

I took the stairs with relative calm--not too anxious, given the circs. I remember thinking, for some reason that I can't fathom now, that when we hit the tile floor on the lower level, I would have more options. 

I remember being attracted to the sport of rock climbing some years ago. You may have done the same. In those days, my toes could find purchase in the smallest crevices, and perhaps I thought the grout lines in the tile would give me something to work with--something to stop or slow our forward movement.

The plan I had in mind if you can call it a plan, turned out to be no more than the idle wind, which Ben respected not because he continued through the kitchen with me calling out to my mother to look sharp and not get overturned by our wake. 

Eventually, Beignet found a quiet and comfortable spot underneath the sofa in the den and we were done. I pulled the bandage off and he seemed not to notice.

Once again, we see that life comes hard and fast. It sneaks up on us when we least expect it. Be prepared for anything, my friend, and always remember a little thing I heard from our veterinarian, Dr. Kirch, who said when it comes to cats, "It's our job to do what's right, not what's convenient." Amen. 

Did You Finally Decide?

It may have been Aunt Cynthia who used to say something about a glorious morning that flatters the mountaintops and kisses the meadows. All good stuff, of course, but have you ever noticed how things can quickly take a nasty turn?

If you follow these little musings of mine, then you're probably aware that I insist on living happy, joyous, and free, as the saying goes. But damn, if it doesn't often seem that the odds for happy days are slim. 

   

Sooner or later, right in the middle of telling your best dinner story to a rapt audience, someone at the head of the table will interrupt to tell you that you've gotten your elbow in the butter dish again.

Take this morning, for instance. It got off to a bracing start, and I had nothing in my heart but birdsong. I expected nothing but happy endings for everyone. And yet, though immersed in the sunshine, I found the mood was mixed--not feeling this way or that. Sort of a dumb, numb mood. And I'll tell you why. 

I was faced with a difficult choice. I had to make up my mind. I had to pick one and leave the other behind. It's not easy. I knew that I had to finally decide. The only option was to say yes to the one and simply let the other one ride. 

You see my predicament? I didn't know which way to turn. Did you ever have to finally decide?

It's like this: 

It seems that for some reason, and your guess is as good as mine, Ms. Wonder and I have done magazine work for several years. I know! It's incredible to think about. I mean, what drives people to do such things? And yet, there it is. And so, we've decided to launch an online travel magazine of all things. 

I know! Me too! 

The publication will be called Carolina Roads. The focus will be road trips throughout the Carolinas and neighboring states. I expect it will be well received and most of our advisors agree. You may be asking, if it's so hot, what's the struggle about? It's a fair question, and I'll tell you my answer to that, too.

You surely remember Princess Amy--that little almond-shaped cluster of brain cells that bears a striking resemblance to the Red Queen of Wonderland. She's taking my inventory recently, and she thinks as much of me publishing a magazine as Moses thought of the Children of Israel when he walked in on them worshipping the golden calf.

Well, there's no need to explain the whole sad story--the lack of moral support as a child, the feeling of loneliness growing up in Shady Grove, etc.

I'm afraid that I'm going to have to finally decide. It's the only way out of my predicament. I'm acutely aware of the reality. I've been this way before. 

The recommended procedure is to abandon myself to the universe. Live life on life's terms and all that rot. Well, I'm tired of abandoning and whatnot. I want action. I want miracles or magic--I don't care which--and the method has to provide some assurance because where's the assurance?

It's an old story, really. Shakespeare told us that a lack of resolve is understandable when, as he put it, "Between acting on a dreadful thing and the first motion...blah, blah, blah.

"That state of man, like to a little kingdom, suffers then the nature of an insurrection," he said. 

So, here we go again. Thank you for allowing me to vent. I apologize for the interruption, and I thank you for your support. I have my marching orders. It's a plan that I can follow. I don't want to but I will because it's the next step and all I can do is take the next step. Is there any more to life than that?

Perfectly Correct

"What a beautiful day!" I said to Ms. Wonder who waded knee-deep in suitcases and socks, like a goddess of the sea cavorting on the rocky shore. "Packing?" I asked as if the ritual was unfamiliar to me. 

"Un-packing," she said for we keep no secrets between us. And it was at that moment that the dirty work of yesterday raised its ugly head and smirked at the false joy that had greeted me when I woke. 

Every year, starting about the middle of October, there is a good deal of anxiety and apprehension among owners of the better-class country houses throughout coastal Carolina waiting to hear which one will get the Genome’s patronage for the holidays.

This year we had decided early, and a sigh of relief went up from a dozen stately homes, all listed on the Historic Register, as it became known that the short straw had been drawn by the Garden Inn outside Savannah.  

And yet, scarcely 10 hours earlier, this daughter of the Russian steppes and I sat at William's Gourmet Kitchen—"It’s not fast food; it’s awesome food fast" —and we agreed that the outing was off.

Once again, Shakespeare has put the finger on the nub when he said, it's when you're feeling really good about the way things are going that Fate sneaks up behind you with a blunt instrument. Not a direct quote but it conveys the sentiment nicely. 

As if waking from a dreamless sleep, I gradually became aware that Ms. Wonder was looking at me as though waiting for an answer. 

"Hmm?" I said. 

"Did I hear you say something about the Orlovs?" she said. 

"Did I say that out loud?" I asked. She nodded. 

"I was thinking about how Count Orlov must have felt," I said, "after Katherine the Great told him she never wanted to see him again in this world or the next, and then opening the cupboards, found there was no more vodka." 

A deep silence ruled the next several moments after my crack about the Count. Then Ms. Wonder spoke. "Are you going to stand there all morning?" 

"There are times, Poopsie," I said, with a small tremble in the voice, "when one asks oneself if there is any point in making an effort." 

"The mood will pass," she said and I had to admit that she was probably right. 

I nodded in response but it had no chirpiness to it. It was the nod that Napoleon might have given in the Paris coffee shop on a morning in 1812 when someone said, Back from Moscow so soon?

"You know how it is," I said, "I'm in agreement with the general principle but I seem to be in neutral gear and having a little difficulty following through.

"I understand," she said, "it was much the same with Hamlet."

I nodded.

"Don't be a victim," she said. "We may not be able to visit Savannah, but we can still enjoy the holiday lights in Airlie Gardens. We can use the time to refresh, rebuild, and reinvigorate."

"You wrap the whole thing up very neatly," I said. "It almost sounds like fun."

"Good," she said.

"I suppose you know, you've wiped away my disappointment," I said. "I feel positively bucked! Thank you." 

"Not at all," she said. "You see, no matter what the Fate sisters have in store for you, there's no need to let them steal your joy."

And I had to admit that, once again, she was perfectly correct.

Time For A Cool Change

Something woke me from a perfectly satisfying dream—the kind where all the elements feel just right. I was sailing a small boat up the Cape Fear River from Southport. The sun had set long ago, and "it's kind of a special feeling when you're out on the sea alone, staring at the full moon like a lover."

Barbary Coast Bar : The Circular Journey Intelligence Headquarters

 for 

Wilmawood Movie Production

What actually woke me, thanks to my smartphone alarm, was The Little River Band singing Cool Change. After the initial moment of disorientation that comes with waking, I became aware of the song's lyrics. "...the albatross and the whales, they are my brothers."

And they are too! Have you read my post called, Born of the Sea?

I wanted to stay in bed and ponder the rest of the lyrics, but reality dawned with a jolt: it was Friday morning, and the day had gotten a head start without me. The film crew had arrived on location to begin filming the next segment of The Waterfront at 6 a.m., and I was already two hours late.

Half an hour later, I parked on Front Street, between Hanover and Brunswick, just a stroll from Nutt Street where we were filming, and conveniently close to 24 South Café. After all, caffeine is essential to any endeavor.

I fortified myself with a double cappuccino for the wild free-wheeling day ahead. If you attend The Circular Journey regularly, then you know how much I love running around looking for the film crews who work together to make movie magic happen, no matter where they're from, no matter who they love, no matter where they live. It gives me hope and hope is what I need more of.

The buildings along the street hid the movie set from me until I turned the last corner. I expected excited extras, the loud hum of equipment, and a lot of shouting. Instead, I found one truck, a lone crane, and a Christmas tree with little to no fashion sense.  

"Oh, what fresh hell is this?" summed it up for me.

"If there’s one thing in my life that's missing," to paraphrase The Little River Band, it’s those days when everything works out as planned. These days, I’m lucky if I show up on time. Today, I was nearly three hours late and already daydreaming about "sailing on the cool and bright clear water."

So, my friend, I offer a sincere apology for this ranygazoo. I know you tuned in expecting a behind-the-scenes scoop, but my sources got their knickers in a wad over the timing. It doesn’t often happen, but when rum is plentiful, the intel may be sketchy.

The filming will happen next week. I got that straight from a couple of Wilmawood Downtown Ambassadors. "There's lots of those friendly people," and just like in the song, "They show me the way to go."

No matter how much rummy intel comes my way, I just don't care. Being near the movie magic makes me happy. When I'm on set, I feel something that I first felt in another dream many years ago, and that dream gives me hope when I feel hopeless.

"I know it may sound selfish," but let me dream my dreams, love whoever I love, and breathe the air unhindered. "Yeah, just let me breathe the air."

Is That All There Is?

The morning after broke bright and fair and the day was served with all the trimmings: the sun, the sky, the birdsong. But that was on the outside. It was different in the heart. Leaden, I've heard it described as. Athough Nature was smiling, there was no smile in my heart. No, I was still sulking in an overcast corner of my mind.

Bamboo grove at Straw Valley

"Good morning," said Ms Wonder, wafting onto the lanai like she owned the day. The sun brightened as soon as she appeared, no doubt because her bright attitude encouraged it, and I admit that her appearance lightened my mood too, if only a smidgen.

"Is it a good morning?" I asked.

"Very clement," she said with a big smile, and I understood that she intended to cheer and lift the Genome's spirit, but Princess Amy was having none of it.

If Amy's name is new to you, you may want to search The Circular Journey archives for her. Or perhaps not. You're welcome here in either case. 

"It matters little," I said, "when facing a trial by fire that you've got a nice day for it." And I was pretty happy with that one. I don't remember who said it but I like it and I use whenever I have the opportunity.

"No, I suppose not," she said.

"The sun was probably shining when the 600 rode into the Russian gunfire," I said.

"The Light Brigade," she said. I nodded.

"Not feeling up to kicking off a new meditation class this morning?" she said.

"The true nature of reality, Poopsie," I said, "is this--when I form a new meditation class, Fate sends me three kinds of people. First to come are those who think they know meditation but don't. Second, the ones who’ve meditated so much their eyes bubble. And third, the kind I’m hoping will show up, although..."

I paused for dramatic effect. One can never have too much of the dramatic effect, in my opinion, and when the timing felt right, I continued:

"And this is the crux of the matter," I said, "They rarely do show up. Gives me hives just thinking of it."

"Sorry," she said with a dramatic and pleasing pout, and I immediately felt just a little better knowing that this worker of wonders was ready to help if help was required. 

"It’s like that character Shakespeare was always writing about," I said. "You know, the one who agonizes over doing something… but then doesn't?"

"Hamlet?"

"No, not that one," I said.

"The genius and the mortal instruments," she said but I wasn't in the mood for more Shakespeare and raised a hand to stop her.

"Like to a little kingdom suffers then the nature of an insurrection," she said and I held up another hand but then realized it wouldn't be enought to stem the tide.

"Poopsie! Please. Put a sock in it.  Shakespeare before coffee is just too much to bear."

When the time came, I packed up and pointed Wynd Horse in the direction of Straw Valley and the new meditation class. A White-breasted Nuthatch sang to me from the shrubbery as I passed through the gate and into the courtyard.

No reason not to sing, of course. I just mention it in passing. Sing until her ribs squeak if it suits her was my thought.  

Then I heard more voices and realized that I was not the first to arrive. I found them sipping coffee in the bamboo garden. No reason not to sip. I always approve of coffee but these few turned out to be exactly the kind of people I like to attend new classes--new to the practice but familiar with the health benefits. 

"Is there a class here this morning?" asked the bearded one, who looked like he might breed Aberdeen terriers. I assured him that it was the case.

"Let's join in," said the female in the group and they all thought this a sound suggestion. In fact, they seemed to be eager to begin, although I suspected they might be just be happy to hear that it wasn't interpretive dance.

When the appointed hour arrived, I gave instructions, asked a question or two, and rang the bell. As we focused on our breathing, it happened—by the third breath, the scales fell from my eyes. My anxious expectations had been for nothing, and instead, a quiet satisfaction settled in. Maybe I could actually help someone with all this."

That morning, one that is now long past, was a turning point for me. You know how it is, one thing led to another and now I'm writing a book about living fiercely.

"It pains me to admit," I explained to Ms. Wonder later that day, "but the whole thing feels like it has my Great Aunt’s fingerprints all over it. You know the type—gets you to do whatever she wants, no matter that you’ve got a packed schedule?"

"I suppose so."

"My qigong master, Wen the Eternally Surprised, used to say that the universe is conscious and that she's always looking out for my best interests. I haven't completely embraced the concept, but I haven't thrown it out either."

"Ah," said Ms Wonder, "It's a great mystery isn't it?"

I sighed. I was hoping for something more. Could it be that's all there is?

Sweet Baby Genome

Only minutes before the whole thing began, I was seated at an inside table near the windows but not too near the cafe door. I was wearing a mood that might have posed a danger to passersby had I been seated at a sidewalk table.

There. The opening--the one you just read--is a gag that I've revised more than once in an attempt to improve the cadence and rhythm, two things I think are crucial when telling a story of any kind.

I think it's something common to writers in general. For example, James Taylor, the wonderful songwriter and musician, once wrote a verse or two of a song that was playing around in his head.

The song began, "There is a young cowboy, he lives on the range. His horse and his cattle are his only companions.

He works in the saddle and sleeps in the canyons.
Waiting for summer, his pastures to change."

Those words have perfect cadence and rhythm, in my opinion. Taylor added five more lines to finish the verse, and then he was stumped. He didn't know where to go with it. So he put it away for later--maybe. Just like I put the opening words of this post away until I can find that perfect phrasing.

Here's another personal experience that I've wanted to write about for years but haven't yet found the flow that I like. It goes like this.

One morning, while working on-site, I happened to walk by an open office door where a young woman was seated at her desk, staring at a computer. She happened to glance my way as I happened to glance hers. Well, you know how it is, one can't share a glance and not say something.

"OMG!" I said. "I love purple!" It wasn't that I was at a loss for anything better to say. It was just that her office was decorated in a disquieting array of purple. It delivered quite a shock so early in the day.

"You do?" she said in a tone that reeked of doubt.

"Yes," I said, "my favorite color." Take that, I thought, slightly offended that she seemed to question my honesty.

"Since when?" she said.

I don't know about you, but I think that's funny and should be an introduction to an entertaining piece of work. But, I swear, I don't know what to do with it. In fact, I revised it once more while you were reading it just now. 

According to my sources, Mr. Taylor also had the recurring experience and came up with yet another bit of song lyrics that began like this:

"Now, the first of December was covered with snow. So was the turnpike from Stockbridge to Boston. The Berkshires seemed dream-like on account of that frosting with ten miles behind me and ten thousand more to go."

And he didn't know what to do with that verse either. Eventually, he remembered that other half song that he'd put away somewhere, and he dug out the lyrics about the cowboy. He wrote a refrain to glue the two verses together, and that merger became one of his signature compositions--"Sweet Baby James."

James Taylor is one of my all-time favorite singer/songwriters, and if he can do it, then it's OK for me. So, without further introduction, I offer the following paragraph to complete this blog post, which I hope will be as well received as the one titled "Coastal Camelot."

The experience of discovering that the lock on a public restroom door is broken differs wildly depending on which side of the door you're on when you make the discovery.

And there you have it. That completes my "Sweet Baby Genome." Thank you for taking the time to read it. See you again soon.

The Visitation

I woke in the middle of a dream about Uma lounging in her favorite hideaway--the blue box with the half-moon doorway that stays in Ms. Wonder's upstairs sanctum. 

Uma & Me

The dream was not so much a story as it was an image of Uma in the box looking at me in a serene way that seemed to say, "Don't fret, food guy. I'm with you and I'll always be with you."

It felt like a visitation rather than a dream.

When I woke, the song playing in my head was Total Eclipse of the Heart. I only mention it because the significance of the song was a mystery to me. Sure, the dream was bittersweet but not a total eclipse by any stretch. Are you as frustrated as I am by these mixed messages the Universe seems to favor?

After some deliberation, I decided to stay up even though it was so early that it didn't qualify, in my way of thinking, to actually be morning. Didn't feel like the beginning of the day but rather the middle of the night.

I walked into the kitchen weighing the consequences of making coffee and staying awake. I pulled back the curtains to look out onto the lanai. It was all darkness in the backyard, except for one lone solar light burning in the garden.

Curious, I thought, why only one? Why aren't the others shining? I walked out into the garden and touched the light with my toe to align it with the garden border. The light went out the instant I touched it.

Coincidence? Probably, and yet, such coincidences occur far too often in my life to suit me. I walked back into the kitchen thinking, What the hell, Louis?

I made coffee and took it to the lanai, where I sat and began recording bird calls in the Merlin app. I decided to accept the gift of early morning, which I don't often take advantage of--normally opting to get in the eight hours instead.

Ms. Wonder will be awake at dawn I thought. She'll have a few excellent suggestions for celebrating the rest of the day. But then I remembered that Wonder and her Wonder friend were on Oak Island, climbing the stairs to the top of the lighthouse. I don't know why they indulge in these excesses; because they can maybe?

And so I devised a plan intended to keep me away from the eclipse of the heart and perhaps rachet up the mood a notch or two. My plan was to simply enjoy being alive for the rest of the morning. I thought of journaling in The Circular Journey and that led me to this post.

By half past nine, it was clear that journaling would be nothing but a series of fits and starts. Not what I was hoping for. My mood was not going to allow me to bypass my eclipsed heart. But not to worry. I had plan number two. I cranked the starter on Wynd Horse and headed her toward the Memorial Bridge. In minutes I was turning onto Castle Street.

Feathery clouds had sneaked into the sky while I wasn't looking, and the wind had picked up since I left Waterford. Leaves rattled as they crab-walked across Castle Street and bits of airborne detritus blew about above the sidewalks. I thought if I drove slow enough I might see Piglet fly by.

No familiar faces greeted me as I ordered and took a seat by the windows but not too near the door. The coffee was superb, the music was happy, and the Princess was at peace. Considering my early rise, I suspected Amy to have fallen back asleep.

As I sipped Jah's Mercy and contemplated the easy morning coming down, I remembered the most important lesson Uma taught me:

Every day is a gift and a reason to celebrate life. ~~ Uma Maya

I smiled. My heart felt lighter. The gift of today, at this very moment, in this very place, is a protected garden, a perfect paradise, a heaven on earth, and I have all the reason I need to celebrate.

Thank you, Uma!