"Hold on," she said. "Take a deep breath, please. What's this all about anyway? Do you have an animal problem?"
"You don't know how happy I am to hear you say the word, anyway, instead of anyways. Do you realize that almost everyone says anyways today? I know it's becoming socially acceptable but it's considered incorrect by dictionaries. And what other trusted authoritative source do we have?"
"Genome!" she said. "Get a grip; chillax, or whatever it is your generation uses. You're hypomanic and I'm not going to have this conversation with you unless you calm down. Now, don't say anything for a few seconds and ask Amy to close her eyes and think of alpine meadows."
If you're not familiar with Princess Amy, then where have you been for the last 12 years? I don't have time to go into it now, but you can always find her by using the search feature at the top of this blog page.
Now, let's get back to the story...
I stopped talking for a moment. I took a breath. I suggested to Amy that she think of alpine meadows full of flowers and I may have used the term, blanketed with flowers. I'm not sure why unless I've heard that term somewhere before.
We writers do like to be original but we recognize that we are nothing without those who came before us. Our minds it seems move along grooves laid down long ago by those who continue to inspire us. You might say that we find them groovy.
At any rate, I followed Lupe's suggestion and had a talk with Amy. Bite me! " she said. Amy said those words, not Lupe. Lupe would never. At least I think she wouldn't. It was Amy, who was so rude and I thought it most rude considering how close we've become lately.
Opening my eyes, having returned from my meditative encounter with the little tyrant, I found that I still had the floor and so continued with my rant. Would you call it a rant? Seems a bit harsh but perhaps it's on point.
"Using the wrong word or phrase is becoming universally accepted," I said. "I seldom hear anyone use the word, fewer, even in advertising copy. In fact, I've heard TV advertising talking about less friends, less interruptions, and less annoying interruptions.
As far as that last bit is concerned, I'd think that less annoying interruptions would be preferred over the opposite."
"People often get confused," said Claudia, "about whether the term you and I should be used or if the correct term is you and me. It depends on the context, of course, but you knew that didn't you?"
Did I mention that Claudia was among those accounted for? Well, she was, and I was beginning to feel that this young woman had the right stuff. She seemed to understand exactly where I was going with my observations.
"Claudia," said Lupe, "don't encourage him. This all started with a question about animal control, remember?"
"That's right," I said, "animal control. Like when you have squirrels in the attic or raccoons in the basement."
"Squirrels in the attic?" said Lupe. "Is your problem squirrels in the attic, or bats in the belfry? Do you need animal control or is it Princess Amy control that you need?"
I sighed and gave the whole affair a moment of reflection. Not too unlike the meditative moment I mentioned above but without engaging Amy.
"Right," I said. "Thank you, Lupe. I misjudged you. I apologize."
"You know I'm always here for you, she said.
"Me too," said Claudia.
"And I'm eternally grateful," I said. And after another moment of reflection, I said,
"Life keeps bringing me back to you, no matter what I do. It seems to have a mind of its own."