Jesse is a fictional bear that attacked one of the characters in a TV show from the 90's called Northern Exposure. The bear had assumed mythical status in the mind of Holling, the character who survived the attack. Holling lived with the memory of that attack in his mind every day and to him, the bear Jesse was waiting for him--everywhere.
He would sneak up behind me, throw me to the ground, and then sit on me. Then he'd shove a handful of pine needles in my face and demand that I eat them to be allowed to get up.
Many of my classmates would be nearby witnessing my humiliation and embarrassment. But no matter how my attacker taunted me and even punched me, I refused to open my mouth. I may have been physically and emotionally bruised but I maintained at least a little dignity by not giving in to his demands. It was the only means of resistance available to me.
The experience instilled in me an attitude of defiance and a fierce determination to resist and often fight to defend what seemed fair and right. It gave me a motto for living life on life's terms:
I will not eat pine needles!
Later when alcoholism and addiction beat me down, it was that willingness to fight back that led to my recovery. I would undoubtedly be dead now without the support of Alcoholics Anonymous. But I was still humiliated and angry due to the loss of almost everything important to me.
I was filled with anger and it would have brought me right back into the limitations of addiction if I had not had an outlet for my anger. I found that outlet when I discovered that many of my problems were due to a mental health disorder.
Princess Amy is the personification of my diagnosis: Bipolar Disorder II, mixed state, rapid cycling. She has given me someone to fight against. She has become my personal Jesse the Bear.
No matter what Life throws at me, I intend to refuse to eat pine needles and fight back in any I can. In fact, when the whistle blows and it's my time to clock out and sleep with the stars, I fully expect to go out like Butch and Sundance. If not a hail of actual bullets, then:
a hail of the slings and arrows of outrageous fortune,
freeze-frame,
roll the credits.