I hoped the artisanal coffee and ambient poetry readings would realign my chakras, or whatever it is that's supposed to happen in places with exposed brick walls. I didn't expect to find anyone I knew at this time of day on this day in the week.
"Wow, Uncle Genome," said an unexpected voice. "You look like something the cat dragged in the morning after the raccoons had their fun with you."
"Lupe!" I said. "I'm surprisingly happy to see you."
"You mean that having me here is a happy surprise for you," she said.
"Do I?" I said. "Oh never mind that. Sit. I have something I'd like to run up your flag pole."
"Is that something like a lead balloon?" she asked, "Because if it is, I don't know what to do with it."
"Lupe, you're looking at a man who's living in the Twilight Zone."
"I'll bet it's nothing more than quantum fluctuations," she said.
"Can I get you something?" asked a nearby voice. "A double cappuccino, please," said the godniece, with the casual confidence of someone who's been drinking coffee since kindergarten.
"Sir?" asked the barista.
"Oh, yes," I said, still processing how a 15-year-old ordered coffee with more authority than I've ever had. "A flat white please."
"You were saying?" said Lupe.
"Lupe, the most unusual things have been happening," I said. "Synchronistic events have been occurring at abnormal frequency."
"There are so many things wrong with what you just said that I don't know where to begin," she said.
"Then don't," I said. "Let me give you just a few examples."
"No need," she said. "I understand well enough that you've experienced almost simultaneous occurrences of events that seem significantly related but have no discernable causal relationship."
I must have taken on an expression of lost in translation because without waiting for a reply she said, "Synchronistic events have been occurring at abnormal frequency."
"Exactly!" I said.
"Well, you're in luck," she said, "because I watched the latest episode of Hack Your Mind on YouTube last night, and the topic was Quantum Consciousness. I've watched one and a half episodes and by now, I must be an expert compared to most people."
"One double cappuccino and one flat white," said the barista placing the cups on the table.
"Excuse me," I said. "Did I ask for oat milk?."
"No you didn't," she said. "I'll remake it for you."
"Are you saying that I don't actually see what I think I see?"
"According to Dr. Mindbender, hallucinations are often the result of stress. Have you tried relaxation techniques like deep breathing for example?"
"I'm taking deep breaths now," I said. "It seems necessary to get through this conversation."
"Good," she said after sipping her cappuccino, "Take three is my suggestion. And then close your eyes and visualize a peaceful beach. Hear the soothing sounds of the surf and the call of seagulls."
"Ok," I said, closing my eyes, "My eyes are closed, and all I see are sandcastles and flying fish."
"Ah," she said, "not a problem. Dr. Dreamweaver teaches us to remain calm in the face of the bizarre and ask the visions to explain the message they have for us."
I closed my eyes again and asked the sandcastles to explain. I got no satisfaction.
"I asked but only got a request for coffee," I told her. "Speaking of coffee, where's mine?"
"My goodness, you are demanding this morning, aren't you?"
"I'm not demanding this morning, I have this morning. What I'm demanding is caffeine."
"Chillax, I'll get your coffee," she said as she stood and headed for the Order Here spot.
"Thank you, Lupe. I'm so happy you've decided to rally around."
"I'm always looking out for you, you helpless jamoke," she said when she returned to the table. "You just don't always see it."
"Lupe," I said after the first sip from the cup. "Did you ask for chai in this coffee? If I wanted chai, which I don't, I would have requested it."
"What you need to do," she said, speaking with the same authority she used ordering espresso, "is to embrace the absurdity of life's little quirks and stop making a big deal out of every little thing. Now, drink your coffee. The unusual taste is probably the goat milk."
"Not goat," I said, "--oat. Is everyone your age as sassy as you?"
"We rage against Babylon, Brah," she said, pulling out her phone to TikTok the moment. "And that pays dividends. But only if you pay attention. Want me to explain that again in emoji?"