Just Saying...

My homie, Mumps, and I were having our usual Friday morning conversation in which we try to solve one of the world's great mysteries in classical physics. This morning, the topic was why Martha Stewart advised her followers to stop micro-waving the kitchen sponge. Why not, I wondered, and so I went to my most trusted authority in macro-physics.

We gave the subject a thorough examination, as is our way when intent on solving world problems. When I say examination, I mean to say a logical one, of course.  Much like the ancient Greek method of talking it out until we've considered every angle. We didn't actually experiment or Google anything. Our results were inconclusive but we did come to an agreement that we'd use biodegradable paper towels instead of sponges in the future.

I feel compelled to add that we don't use real sponges like the ones brought up from the bottom in Tarpon Springs, Florida. Certainly not! That would be like dropping lobsters into a pot of boiling water! We are civilized men, not something from the Middle Ages.

But back to our story for the wrap-up or moral, if you prefer. Most problems can be resolved, no matter how Gordion they may be, when two strong-willed and confident personalities begin picking at the threads and unraveling the thing. At least I like to think so.

During our investigation, unlikely as it may sound, I happened to mention that I'm certified as a Pet Preventive Health Coach. Yes, there is such a thing but if you're having trouble suspending disbelief, you're not alone. Mumps had the same difficulty and it seems to be an evenly distributed difficulty outside my Secret Circle of Initiates. 

Yes, I am a pet preventive health coach and have been and still am a lot of other things. How do I find the time you wonder. So do I wonder but still, there it is. 

I recently attended a business conference in Chapel Hill that was staged by the North Carolina Small Business Association. It's a common occurrence that you're seated at a table with other small business owners who have nothing in common with each other. At some point, early in the meeting, the hostess suggests that everyone take a moment to introduce themselves to the rest of their table.

It often goes something like this:

"Hello, Genome. Happy Cats Wellness? What's that?"

"I'm a preventive health coach for pets."

"A what? For pets? Ha, ha! Do you encourage them to eat well and get plenty of exercise?"

"I advise the pet owner."

"Do you suggest daily affirmations? Haha, ha!"

"I teach them about the necessary resources..."

"Resources? Do they get a library card? A gym membership? Ha, ha, ha!"

At this point in the conversation, I fall back on a proven strategy to smooth the conversation and make the whole thing a little less stressful for me. Is the correct word strategy or stratagem? A plan or scheme used to outwit an opponent or achieve an end? Probably. At any rate, here's the one I use:

"And what do you do," I say. 

I've said it before and I'll keep on saying it,  most problems can be resolved, no matter how Gordion they may be, when two strong-willed and confident personalities begin picking at the threads and unraveling the thing. It's also a good idea to show interest in the person you're speaking with to hopefully make a friend of an enemy. It's a tactic recommended highly by Sun Tzu.