"Creature?" she said. "You mean lake monster?"
"It's a monster no longer," I said. "Lupe objected to calling it that. Her argument and I think it's a good one, is that we know so little about it that calling it a monster may give the public a prejudiced point of view."
"Ah," she said with a nod of the head, "and as we know too well, the public is already prejudiced to the tonsils."
"Rem acu tetigisti," I said and I felt pretty good about it too. I don't know what it means, perhaps you do, but I see it in all the best books.
"By the way," she said, "I'm curious. What do we know about this lake creature?"
"Creature of the Lake," I said.
"Whatever," she said. "What do we know for sure."
"No more than scientists know about the number of galaxies in the Milky Way," I said. "We know only that it's mathematically proven."
"What mathematically proven?" she said.
"Well, you remember that Lupe is one of those delinquent whizzes in math and she's developed the formula that proves the creature has to be there."
"You meant to say, juvenile, not delinquent," she said.
"Did I?" I said. "She's a juvenile who's not delinquent in math then."
She looked at her hands--I don't know why--and shook her head. She is prone to headaches so maybe she felt one coming on.
"I'm going to have to doubt that Lupe proved the existence of a lake monster with a mathematical formula."
"But it's true," I said. "It was her special project at the School of Science and Math in Durham. She took into consideration all sorts of stuff, like water temperature, the average depth of the lake, food supply, and stuff like that. I think the nuclear power plant figured heavily into the equation."
"I'll bet it did," she said.
"I have a copy of the equation somewhere," I said. "Was planning to use it in my article when we get a photo of the creature."
"You're going to photograph it?" she said.
"Yes," I said. "That's why I spend so much time at the lake. But we don't want people to know which lake. We don't want anyone messing about on the water and causing the creature a lot of anxiety and whatnot. Lupe thinks the creature may be a mother taking care of her young."
"Mathematically proven, of course," said the Wonder. Then she added in a thoughtful way, "A lake full of radioactive, mutant monsters."
"Yeah, creatures," I said. "Exciting hunh?"
"So how're you going to get a photo if you've spent all summer out there and haven't seen it yet?"
"Ah, that's my latest inspiration," I said. "When Lupe demanded that we not cause the creature unnecessary stress, it made me think of Happy Cats Wellness."
"I don't follow," she said.
"On our website, we teach people how they can enrich the lives of their cats to keep them curious, engaged, and happy."
"Yes?" she said.
"One of those suggestions is that the cat must get plenty of hunting play, right? Playing games that mimic hunting--something the cat is driven to do anyway."
"Wait a second," she said. "You're not telling me that you plan to coax this creature into hunting mode so that you can get a photo?"
"That's exactly what I'm telling you," I said. "Cats need to hunt because they've been conditioned through the millennia to stalk, pounce, kill and devour prey. I'm betting the creature is the same."
"One way to improve the lives of cats is to dangle a feather on a string in front of them to get them to stalk and pounce."
"Please tell me," she said, "that you don't plan to use a fishing rod to cast bait into the lair and tempt a monster to attack. With you at the other end of the fishing pole and probably up to your waist in the lake?"
"Ms. Wonder," I said. "do give me some credit. Of course, I won't do something that silly. No, I've a much better way and it's absolutely certain to work. And it's a creature, not a monster."
"Do tell," she said.
"I have the perfect spot in mind where I will draw her out of hiding with hunting play, but not by dangling a feather."
"Although you admit that you know nothing about this creature," she said.
"I don't have to know anything," I said. "My plan requires no information other than knowing of something that no creature can ignore."
"You're going to have a mutant, radioactive monster chase a red dot across the surface of the lake?"
"Yes, I know, it's genius, isn't it?" I said and I felt pretty good about it too.