"What's the problem?" asked Ms. Wonder when she came into the dressing salon. It may have been my slow, careful movement through the sea of cats that prompted her question. "Something wrong?"
"Nothing's wrong," I said, "I remain, as always, the pert and nimble spirit you see before you."
"Before I what?"
Eddy Peabody
"Where do you get this drivel? Do you read it somewhere or make it up?"
"I make most of it up but that doesn't mean that I haven't read it, or at least something like it somewhere. Wodehouse probably."
"I thought as much," she said. "Anything I can do to help?"
"Do you have American standard wrenches in your toolbox?" I said. "I need to replace a couple of vertebrates in my lower back--numbers 4 and 5. But all my wrenches are metric."
"Sorry," she said, "no wrenches."
"Well, number 4 is moving like the North American tectonic plate and bumping up against number 5, which is moving like the Pacific plate, and if the pressure isn't released soon, California is going to fall into the ocean."
"Is that what's bothering you?" she said.
"Why do you insist that something is bothering me?"
"Oh, just thought I would," she said. "Bad dreams?"
"Not particularly. I slew all my enemies in my dream, and the interesting part is that I did it with the jawbone of an ass."
"Just drifting off station then?"
"I fancy so, don't you? Can't think of anything that's gone especially wacky in the last 24 hours. I suppose Princess Amy is just bored and thinking of all the things that might possibly go wrong, which of course would be everything as far as she's concerned."
Now, if you regularly attend The Circular Journey, you are familiar with that little clump of grey cells sitting in the middle of my head who goes by the name, Amy. You are also aware that Amy follows a line through the Red Queen from Looking Glass World, and you understand that when Amy is discontent, the Genome is manic.
I wrestled a pair of socks from the dresser and began to upholster the outer man. This requires delicate acrobatics for those of us who lack the full cooperation of the lower back, and as I rolled back on the bed to bring the feet closer to the hands, Eddy the cat developed an acute interest in the socks. His intentions were good, but we all know where that leads, don't we?
"Are you going to wear knickers under those pants?" asked Ms. Wonder eyeing the clothes I'd laid out.
"Of course, I'm wearing knickers," I said holding Eddy back with one hand and attempting to don the socks with the other. "Do you think me wanton?"
"It's just that I don't see any on the bed."
"I'm wearing them now," I said, "underneath the robe."
"I'll give him a treat," she said and after some intense concentration, I realized that she was talking about the cat.
"Oh, sure," I said, "reward him for keeping me sock-less."
"What are you going to do about California?" she called from the laundry room where the treats are stored. Eddy heard them rattle in the bottle and catapulted himself from the bed and into the ether, in the general direction of the laundry room.
"I think the great Eureka State will have to take care of itself. I've got about all I can handle with the situation here at Chatsford Hall."
"What's the situation here," she said, "other than getting dressed I mean?"
"Oh, you know--ordinary life," I said. "It isn't always easy, is it? Who can say why, really? It could be that the path deviates sometimes from the dotted line connecting A with B. Or it could be that the Fate sisters, those Great Aunts of the Universe, are busy dropping banana skins in our path. I lean toward the second line of thought, don't you?"
"Well," she said, "if it means anything to you, I have all the confidence in the world that you will get the latest issue of the Happy Cats newsletter published today. You are the Genome, descendent of Ortho Gherardini, and when you make up your mind, look out Princess Amy."
"Besides," the Wonder said, "you have people who depend on you. Big and small people. Some of the littlest ones are the most important."
She smiled at the cats gathering around me now that she'd placed the bottle of treats in my hand. They were all there. Ben, Sagi, and Uma were at my feet. Abbie Hoffman was sitting high atop the cat tree and, Eddy the kitten, was walking about as a roaring lion seeking whom he may devour.
"I do have people depending on me, don't I? The big and the small. Some of them wearing fur," I said lifting the chin and swelling the chest. "Thanks, Poopsie."
"Not at all."