If you follow this journal with any regularity, then you remember that the Witch of Woodcroft went missing soon after agreeing to help me with a travel article I'm writing for the Carolina Roads e-magazine. Spring, being her agent, was the only person I could think of who might have a clue to her whereabouts. People become anxious when they hear that wizards are missing and it's just the kind of stuff that network TV loves to strew about.
To get to Kadabra from Chadsford Hall, you travel south and as soon as you cross the narrow ribbon of Interstate 40, which technically belongs to the Kingdom of the United States, you re-enter the SoDu at Highway 54. We soon came to our destination, which was hidden behind a mountain of mulch, and when the driveway ended, Ms. Wonder said, "Why, this is Parkwood!"
"To the uninitiated, it is," said Spring.
The Volkswagen decanted us onto the lawn and Spring led us onto the porch where two wizards were waiting. The one lying on the railing welcomed us with a wide yawn and a good, long stretch. It made me want to stretch too and I did a little. The other was asleep in a chair.
"You will sit there," said Spring indicating the chair with the sleeping wizard, which she picked up and pressed her face into his tummy. There was a sound like a jack of clubs that had been clothes-pined to a bicycle spoke. I assumed the sound came from Spring. I've never heard a wizard make that sound.
"And you will sit there," she said to Wonder.
I explained to Wonder that Spring was what is known as a pre-cog and often has glimpses of the future. This skill of hers is the reason I'd sought her out to help me find Gladys.
No sooner had we taken our places at the table, than a door opened off stage and a head appeared above a black tee bearing the words Duck Dynasty.
"Can I offer you cereal?" said the head.
"I'm good," I said, "I cerealed before leaving home."
Ms. Wonder said nothing but directed her headlights, open-mouthed, at the talking head. I thought it must be the tee but Spring, who is much more attuned to these matters, immediately recognized the cause of the imitation of Lot's wife by the usually unshakable Wonder.
"It's quite all right," she said to Wonder, "perfectly harmless. A pussycat really."
The Wonder seemed to have gotten her tongue entangled with her tonsils for she said something like, "Mfjfhhg."
"He's the Higgs Boson," said Spring. "Pay him no mind."
"Higgs Boston?" said the Wonder after getting the vocal instruments working again.
"Boson. Higgs Boson. The particle at the end of the universe. It's quite the rage in particle physicist circles. All of them are searching for it."
"Why," said the Wonder and I must admit to feelings that were somewhat in harmony with hers. Why indeed? is what I asked myself.
"You have me there," said Spring. "It has something to do with the Unified Theory, whatever that is. I believe it's expected to connect the quantum field with the Newtonian world.
"Ah," I declared as if that explained things perfectly. I looked at the Boson who nodded and smiled in agreement.
"Of course," Spring went on to say, "they've been searching for forty years but they haven't found it yet because the mind refuses to see anything that doesn't fit with its notion of reality. I've seen the Boson walk through a crowded room and no one pays any attention to him at all."
"That's odd," said Wonder. "So why do they think it exists at all?"
"Mathematical hunch," said Spring.
"Excuse me?"
"Well, they have been trying to prove its existence mathematically but they have only been able to get so close. It's as though the formulas have a gut feeling that it's there somewhere."
"A mathematical sixth sense," I ventured.
"Something like that," said Spring.
"I'm being bitten by mosquitoes," Wonder said.
"Yeah, there is that," said the Boson, "and I'm afraid I can't help you find Gladys either. I don't have a clue where she is."
"Oh hell," I said. "It's going to be another one of those days. Just one damned thing after another."
"Have you thought of getting the Mysterious X to help?" said the Boson.
"I'm not familiar with that one," I said. "What does he specialize in?" I said.
"Yeah well, that's the mystery too I guess," said the Boson, "but I happen to know he's hard up for cash. Inexplicable entities have to eat too."
"I'll give it some thought," I said.
When Spring dropped us off at home, she asked, "What's that article about anyway?"
"Southport," I said. "We're going to be there for a few days. I'll work on my book and Wonder plans to work on her song, but that should still leave plenty of time for a travel story too."
"Ms. Wonder is writing on a song?"
"Yeah, she's reading a book called Songwriting: The Essential Guide to lyric form and structure. It's a little scary."
"Oh goody, she said. "Ms. Wonder may be inspired to do one of those Russian compositions like Stravinsky's Petrushka--you know sawdust puppets coming to life and whatnot."
"Now that would be dramatic," I said as she drove away. Wonder was already inside so I walked up the steps to the front door thinking about St. Petersburg. Gladys would have to wait.