Rose photo courtesy of Ms. Wonder
In a world so full of beautiful things where we should all be happy as kings, or queens, of course, I was surprised to see the Ekaterina wearing agitation on the facial map.
"Poopsie," I said, "has the Empress escaped?"
"No, not that." she said, "Uma is sleeping on your cashmere sweater in the hall closet."
"Thank, God," I said not sure whether capitalization was required but not wanting to take any chances. "What's the matter then?"
"It's the Cove," she said referring to that ancestral homeplace of the Genomes in the North Carolina Blue Ridge. "Gwyn is trying to get in touch with you. I didn't catch the specifics. She seems upset. But I did make out that it has something to do with Mr. Jones."
"Mr. Jaynes," I set the record straight, "and yes, she is upset, bless her, and no wonder. I'd be upset too if Jaynes was standing below my window every night."
"What?" she said. She seemed about to add something more but then, experiencing second thoughts, closed her eyes and shuddered.
"Yes," I said trying to convey understanding, "they work in mysterious ways their wonders to perform in Crystal Cove."
"Does he still imagine that he's followed by a door with a bogeyman hiding behind?" she said.
"No, he's past that. Asked his doctor to increase his lithium I believe."
"See," she said, "restores balance. Have you given the subject any more thought?"
I gave her a look, a kind of aloof, lazy eyelid look. "I assume you refer to lithium," I said.
"Precisely," she said.
"I have Fierce Qigong," I said with a goodish amount of topspin.
"Yes," she said and nothing more. I found myself becoming more than a little hotted up. I took a deep breath and reminded myself that I am powerful and that life is good.
"Forget lithium, Ekaterina," I said using the formal tense to let her know that I meant business.
She made a moue. I believe it's a moue. Isn't that when you push the lips out and then pull them back again?
"Put lithium out of mind. Banish it from your thoughts. All the Genome needs is mindfulness, qigong, a vegetarian diet, the twelve steps, heaping daily doses of friendship, and pots and pots of coffee."
"Of course," she said. "I spoke thoughtlessly."
"Recklessly," I said.
"Recklessly," she said.
Now, this was more the stuff for the troops I thought, and I gave it time to settle in, enough time for the breath to return to the normal rhythm. The mental pebble sank to the bottom of the pool and the turbulent thoughts, like ripples on the water, became still.
At length, I returned to the topic. "No, it isn't specters that plague Doyle Jaynes. It's his weakness for love."
"He's in love again," she said and well she should say it. This Doyle has a habit of falling in love with every second woman he meets. Consequently, new neural pathways are being constantly constructed in his brain to make him even more susceptible to the glamour of the next woman.
"Oh, he's in love again," I said, "and it's getting in the way of managing the fishing outfitter. In fact, he's gone bust in that department and Gwyn expects it's going to affect the reputation and revenue of Two Fly, which is the biggest business in the Cove. She's more concerned about the fishing business than the fact that she's the object of Doyle's devotion.
"What!", she said. "He's fallen for Gwyn? The poor fish. He'll soon wish he were being followed by boogeymen."
"I'm not so sure it will come to that. He spends all day lying around his apartment listening to love songs and stands in the garden underneath her window all night hoping to get a glimpse of her."
"That's stalking," she said.
"It's worse than that," I said, "it's insane and all it's going to get him is fired."
"Did you tell him that?"
"I did and he told me he'd got it worked out. He's hired some guy that he calls an assistant but who will actually run the outfitter for him."
"Does that mean that everything is calm now?"
"Calm? In the Cove. Do use your intelligence."
"So what is the problem now?" she said.
"Well, I spoke to Qwyn on the phone yesterday and she tells me that Doyle sent his assistant, let's call him Alan..."
"Is that his name?"
"Yes."
"Let's call him Alan then."
"Doyle sent Alan to deliver one of those love poems and to speak on Doyle's behalf because Gwyn has barred him from the Inn where she holds court. And it seems that when Gwyn saw this Alan, she decided that he was one to take home to Ma."
"She liked him?"
"He was one of the juiciest."
"She wanted him?"
"He was so eloquent in his pitch for Doyle's suit, that Gwyn began imagining him speaking for himself and she found it much to her liking. In fact, when he left to take Gwyn's rejection notice back to Doyle, Gwyn sent her brother, my other cousin Winston, with a ring saying that she couldn't accept it and that he should take it back to Doyle."
"Wait a second, I missed the part about Doyle sending a ring."
"No, you didn't. Doyle didn't send a ring. With her quick Genome-like mind, Gwyn came up with the ruse on the nonce. You see, the ring and the message to take it back would be recognized immediately by Alan as a sign of Gwyn's approval of Alan."
"It would?"
"Ms. Wonder," I said and I put just a little topspin on it to drive the implication home, have you not read Twelfth Night by W. Shakespeare?"
"Saw the movie," she said.
"Then you will remember the ring," I said.
"Sure," she said.
"You remember too what Alan was supposed to do with the ring. He was supposed to refuse it and send it back with Winston."
"Is that what happened?"
"Nothing is as it should be in the Cove. No, it seems this Alan hasn't read nor has he seen T. Night. He kept the ring."
"Disturbing," she said.
"I'll say. The ring didn't belong to Gwyn. It was the ring of office for Molly Mysinger, who is being inducted into the Circle of Three at the end of the month. Gwyn beside herself with anxiety. She's achieved low orbit and is about to go into first stage release. She wants me to ride back into the valley of death with the United States Marines and fix it."
"And are you?" she said.
"That hell hole?" I said. "I know I should come to her aid but how can I? As someone once said, 'The spirit is willing but the flesh is weak.' Or something to that effect."
"Jesus Christ," she said.
"I know! That about sums up the way I feel about it too," I said.